Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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