If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
