weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
