So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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