...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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