i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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