Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
