I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
