Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
