I wish my penis had an off switch
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
