Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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