thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
