BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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