My nipple is on Facebook.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
