She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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