Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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