Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
