I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
