They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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