dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
