i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
