Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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