they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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