She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
