She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
