last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
