I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
