I have demons in me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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