just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize