My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
