My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
