it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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