It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
