Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
