tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
