The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
