u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize