just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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