we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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