I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
