omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
