Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
