Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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