so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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