last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
