Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We smell like vodka and hangover
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize