So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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