She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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