I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
