things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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