I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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