If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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