I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
