Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
