You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
