i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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