He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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