you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
