it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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