just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
