at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
