Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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