he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
