White coat. Heels.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize