My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
