If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
