My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
