Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
