I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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