And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
