Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
