Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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